she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You have to summon your inner elephant
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
