Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
