Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
