U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
where am i from again
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
