You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
