You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
