cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
MIDGETS
????
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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