I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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