My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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