Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
