youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Randomize
