like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
