"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
