I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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