and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
