Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
