I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
