The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My pussy is not your playground.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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