Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize