I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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