I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
