am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
