Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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