I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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