Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
