Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
