So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
false alarm. still invincible.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
