just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
