am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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