I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize