this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
