Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
