is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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