My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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