Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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