Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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