3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
