you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
