ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
