There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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