Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
