I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
