Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
