Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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