ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
