Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like abortions should bother me more
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
