so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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