your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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