Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
