MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You ruined the universe
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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