Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
