it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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