you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Randomize
