I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
