you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
