You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
