What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Did I show you my penis last night?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had to cum in my sink.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
