Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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