Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
