Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
